I have been procrastinating on writing this blog the majority of today. I\u2019m also sorry for the lack of consistency with my posts. I think about posting and talk myself out of it.<\/p>\n
Each year will eventually end and that makes sense. Yet when the months start getting closer to December my mind goes into flight or fight mode. I start obsessively thinking of what I have been doing each month and if I was productive enough, I spent my time wisely, I question my worth, etc..I do this each and every year. It\u2019s driving me nuts, to be honest.<\/p>\n
I feel the need to explain myself to people and to somehow justify my existence. Why I deserve to even be alive. Justify why I don\u2019t work or why I never graduated from college. I\u2019m trying my best to stop overly explaining things. If people are going to judge me based on the limited information they are missing out on expanding and learning about other people.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure I have mentioned this before but I didn\u2019t think I would live past 18 years old and with each passing year I\u2019m amazed that I\u2019m still alive. Not because I go through something traumatic each year or because I have a life-threating illness. Dealing with untreated mental health I felt like I would have ended my life by or before 18 years old.<\/p>\n
My goal in life and the reason I think I\u2019m alive is to try to help and support others when I can, accept the good and the bad that happens, spend time with loved ones, make choices that will make me happy even if others don\u2019t agree, and to live in the moment.<\/p>\n
Maybe in the past, I felt that attempting to stay positive all the time or at least reject any negative thoughts or emotions was the right thing to do. I believe I even told people that before. My views on it are a bit different now. Now I believe that it\u2019s okay to acknowledge your negative thoughts or emotions. You don\u2019t have to ignore them and pretend like they don\u2019t exist but the important thing is to not dwell on them and let it control you. Doing my best to be consistent with mindfulness can be helpful.<\/p>\n
Volunteering with the Crisis Text Line has also helped me feel like I can help others feel less alone and offer them support.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s almost the end of November and the beginning of December and I\u2019m starting to panic a little but am doing my best to practice self-care and mindfulness. Dealing with mental illness each day, month, and the year is a struggle but all we can do is our best to make it through life. Embracing the good and the bad and not feeling like a horrible human being when we have our bad days.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I wonder if my blogs make sense or if people are reading them. At this point, I do enjoy posting here and it can help relieve stress but I need to work on the negative self-talk I do with myself when I attempt to blog or even work on my creative writing projects.<\/p>\n
We are all a work in progress, we will never know everything, and that is okay. You don\u2019t have to wait until a New Year to work on yourself or make goals. You can start anytime you want. That\u2019s what I keep telling myself as well. You don\u2019t have to constantly judge yourself for how you spent your year. It doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019re 16 or 40 or older because it\u2019s okay to still be learning and improving. It\u2019s okay to not have everything figured out.<\/p>\n
There is only so much planning someone can do and even those plans won\u2019t work out the way you want all the time. All we can do it try our best and attempt to live the best lives we can.<\/p>\n
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